Subject: Personal Haulocaust Sat Jul 18, 2009 1:23 am
If I could tell you how I felt How much I want to die Without making you worry Would you listen? I dont know what I'm saying truly I rarely think any of us do. I hope i can make you think for just one moment About how you truly feel. I know how I feel. I feel as if i am hitler, And I am creating my own personal haulocaust. Not of other people, But of myself. Putting all of the different versions of my self on the wall, And firing at them with all of the insults I have heard through out my life. Some would say that I am crazy for doing this. Some would try to stop me. I only ask this of you, Please, dont. Dont stop me. If I am to feel as if I have some kind of purpose then this is needed.
Let kill off all of the good feelings I have. It will help me more than you will ever think or know.
Let me continue with my
Personal Haulocaust.
Blood and Stitches,
Stabby.
Rob_Macabre Grand Senior Literati
Posts : 70 Literary Regard : 336 Join date : 2009-07-09 Age : 36 Location : The Fifth Level of Hell
Subject: Re: Personal Haulocaust Sat Jul 18, 2009 2:54 am
I feel this could have been done a lot better. there was really very little flow, no rhyme, or alliteration, or anything really to make the work flow along. The subject, also, is something I have heard a whole lot of. Still, there are some bits of good imagery, and your vocabulary shows a lot of promise. My suggestion is to find subject matter of a greater depth.
XxButterflyxX
Posts : 10 Literary Regard : 22 Join date : 2009-07-18 Age : 34 Location : Home, with my son.
Subject: Re: personal Holocaust Sat Jul 18, 2009 10:13 am
Why would you want to kill off the good bits of yourself? Take away all the things that could make life better and just leave the slate blank? Life is truly worth more than just living it or throwing it away.
