Before I review this, I must beg your apology, it's my policy to be completely honest in literary matters.
There are several parts of this poem that are very good, bu there are other points that take away from it.
I'll give a few examples.
- Cazz wrote:
I’m vulnerable and guarded
At times very cold hearted
I cry for your affection
I scream for your aggression
I can see and feel you
Desperately want to be with you
Coming off of the stronger rhymes of guarded/hearted and affection/aggression the use of 'you' twice takes away from the flow as well as the over all integrity of the poem, as it makes it seems as if it was placed there only for flow.
- Cazz wrote:
I beg of you "come"
I always turn and run
My confidence is great
My ability weak
I am shy mousy and meek
I’m a siren a vixen a minx and a slut
So why the hell do you care so much?
The same is true here, the flow is broken in several places due to a change in rhyming, or lack of rhyming I should say. Some of the traits listed may also flow better with he addition of commas.
Still, the message is powerful and the passion is there. You quickly state your message and continue to deliver it well. All in all, perfectly acceptable poetry; but I believe that if you spent a bit more time with this work it could achieve great things.
